Music is a very powerful thing, we all have special songs that we connect to places, people and events. Sometimes a song that you haven’t heard for years can take you back in time! A few week’s ago I heard “When you were young” by The Killers and BAM I was back to being 16, at my dining table with a friend. We were revising for our maths exam with one eye on the revision book and the other ogling a poster of My Chemical Romance in Kerrang magazine! Weird huh? (The sudden flashback, not my taste in music!) So back to the question, do you have a theme tune? I have. I don’t just mean a song that means a lot to you, let me explain.
Over the last couple of months I have faced a lot of challenges and a lot of fears. After quitting my job last year when my anxiety became too much, I have started not one but two part time jobs. I was terrified before starting my 1st job and still really anxious when starting the 2nd one. The 1st job is babysitting and the child I look after introduced me to Frozen… If you have seen the film you can probably already guess which song has become my theme tune; Let it go. The first time I heard the song I immediately felt a connection to the lyrics. Ok so the “swirling storm inside” me is my anxiety. I can’t freeze things, shoot icicles or create magical snowmen, the only thing my anxiety creates is vomit! Sorry, gross but true. If you haven’t heard the song before, I strongly recommend you do! The video is below. Just listen to the lyrics, they are so powerful! I particularly connect with this part;
Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well, now they know!
I have been making real progress with my anxiety the last few months which is brilliant but it has unearthed a new fear. A big one. I am terrified of slipping up, falling back into my anxiety and going back to the way I was last year. Pale, shaky, too skinny and having daily panic attacks. I’m so afraid of going back to that state, I think about it most days. So then my 2nd job came along, escorting a young man with special needs to his school, basically sitting in the back of a taxi with him, making sure his seatbelt is on and he is happy/safe etc. He loves playing music on his phone and singing along. On my first day (when I was very nervous) he played his favorite album for me… The Frozen soundtrack! Let it go is his favorite song and he was really impressed when I knew all the words and sung along with him! Now its a daily ritual, he plays that song and we sing it together. I found myself singing with more conviction each day and one line of the song started to really hit me, “I’m never going back, the past is in the past!” Its like a daily reminder =)
Last week I went on holiday and on my first night I sat in the resort bar, wondering if I could really get through the week without having a major panic attack. Then the singer came on stage and announced her first song was one that all the kids were requesting… Yep you guessed it! I really needed to hear it that night and I ended up sitting there with a huge grin on my face. I must have heard Let it go about 8/9 times during the week! It was like every time I doubted myself it popped up to remind me that I’m doing ok and that I won’t go back to how I was last year.
So it appears that I have a theme tune, whether I want one or not! Just as well I love the song 😉 Have you ever experienced anything like this? Whats your theme tune?