Therapy, progress and frustration

I have therapy sessions every Monday and something came up last week that I wanted to share with everyone. I have had about 10 sessions and I was telling my therapist (I’m going to refer to him as A) that lately I have found myself feeling frustrated with myself, my family and heck even the world in general! Most of my frustration was centered around my anxiety and my thirst for progress. We talked it through and then A told me that my frustration is actually a good sign, it means that I’m pushing my boundaries and trying to make progress. After he told me this I started to giggle and A asked me what was funny. This made me laugh more and I said “I’m so pleased that its normal, I thought I was just being a moody cow!” A found this very funny and assured me I’m not a moody cow, good to know!

I’ve found myself feeling even more frustrated this week, is that a good sign too? Last night was particularly bad but I was really tired too. I guess I can talk it through with A tomorrow but I decided to sit and write down what is frustrating me. That way I can take my notes with me tomorrow so I don’t forget anything. Plus I can discuss and compare with you guys =)

So here is what I came up with. I’m frustrated with:

Myself 

  • For feeling frustrated in the first place (Arrggghhh!)
  • For over thinking everything.
  • For not being “normal”. Anxiety sucks!
  • For missing out on my teenage years. I feel like my anxiety resulted in me missing out on a lot of “normal” teenage experiences because I was too anxious to enjoy them properly (my prom) or too anxious to go in the first place (parties, clubbing, holidays to Ibiza etc)
  • For not improving fast enough. I’m doing well, I know I am but sometimes its like I want to run before I can walk. I try to do too much too soon then get annoyed with myself when it doesn’t work out.

My family

  • For making me feel like my anxiety is a taboo subject. We don’t talk about it. I tried to talk to my mam about my anxiety a couple of weeks ago. A had suggested that I took the first step in talking about my mental health with my parents. I was really nervous but found an opportunity to slip my anxiety into a conversation we were having. She walked away. I don’t think she meant to but it hurt. A lot.
  • For not being mind readers. I feel like such a hypocrite. If I don’t tell them how I’m feeling then how can they know? But sometimes when it feels like my anxiety is tearing me up inside I think “How can you not see what this is doing to me?!” When I complete a challenge like going back to work, going on holiday or going to that concert I would do anything to hear them say “Well done!” But they won’t because those things aren’t challenges for “normal” people and they don’t know that its hard for me because I don’t tell them.

My friend

Note: This is the friend who was the first person I ever told about my anxiety. We haven’t seen much of each other lately because she has just finished her last year of university and had a horrific amount of coursework to complete and exams to revise for! The last few weeks she was very stressed, snappy and distant, which I completely understand! She was under a huge amount of pressure!

  • For still being distant. For months now me and my friend have been planning to meet up and go on trips once she finished university. She finished 2 weeks ago and I thought that once the pressure was off things would go back to normal… That hasn’t happened. She is still really distant and seems reluctant to make any plans at all. Maybe I’m just over thinking and getting paranoid but I feel like she is being funny with me and I don’t understand why. We used to be so close and I guess I’m scared that we are drifting apart.

So that’s my list! Have you ever experienced something like this? What frustrates you? Let me know =)

Take care,

Hayley x

 

 

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9 thoughts on “Therapy, progress and frustration

  1. It’s not nice having the feeling that people are drifting away from you. If you’ve made an effort to keep in touch and their effort consistently doesn’t match it dies suck. The way I look at it is that it’s an opportunity for someone else to come into your life (Not that it would be huge comfort to you right now). One of my friends suddenly didn’t want to speak to me – I thought it was because of my mental health issues – turned out she had anorexia so obviously that took over her life which made me sad.

    • Sorry to hear that, did your friend get help? Are you friends again now or did you drift away? Sorry for all the questions.

      I had been giving my friend some space because she was constantly busy with work and didn’t want any distractions but I figured we would get back to normal now that shes done. Maybe she’s just still really stressed until she gets her results? I’m not sure.

      • She was getting some help and she was better for a while but she looked very ill last time I saw her. I think she feels ashamed of having ED. I wanted to say I could empathise which I can to a very small degree but. I don’t know 😦 I do text her every now and again to see she’s alright but I never get a response. I guess what I’ve learnt is with friendships often it’s more about what’s going on for the other person than anything to do with you.
        Give your friend some time and see what happens. If she’s meant to be in your life you will know xx

  2. I get frustrated that things seem to come so easily for others but I have to work so hard at them. Why is eating such a big deal for me, but others can just do it when they are hungry? Why do I have to be on so many medications when others do fine without them?

    I get frustrated at being different, in all sorts of ways.

    I am sorry you are having these feelings, but acknowledging them is a good thing. Just don’t bottle them up.

    • I know exactly what you mean. In situations that I find hard, I look at other people and think “Why can’t I do it without thinking like them?”

      I’m hoping I can make more sense of them tomorrow with A =)

  3. Hayley, you can’t change the past so just accept it – and learn from it. Whatever you have missed out on, you can probably still do today. You are a young lady with so much potential that you have already proven to yourself that you can overcome your anxiety when it is affecting your life the most, like at concerts and holidays. Take strength from that and take time out to reflect on all your achievements.

    As for being frustrated – I know exactly what you mean as I have had the same feelings. The is only one thing I found helps and that is to challenge myself with something new. Do something from your list that you posted on here, or maybe something more personal. The frustration kicks in because you’re doing so well and you just want to push through but because you’re getting better at achieving things the accomplishments don’t feel as big as they once did. Two methods I use is, like I’ve said do something you know is a big deal – or go right back to basics and enjoy something really simple like a walk, some photography or speaking to a friend on the phone even. Make plans, set goals. Buy a ticket for a show or a movie, or get a new book to lose yourself in.

    Don’t let all your excellent work go to waste. You’re a fighter and you’re doing it right now – that is why you’re frustrated. It is a great sign because you’re not giving up, you ain’t quitting and you still want to improve your life further. I say well done to you, believe it or not but you are an inspiration to others and definitely someone I personally hold in high regards.

    • I know, I know but forgetting the past is easier said than done. Ironically I don’t want to go clubbing or to Ibiza but I keep thinking if my anxiety had never existed, would I enjoy those things? Silly I know.

      Maybe I will make some time to reflect and list the things I’ve already achieved, it might help. I have my bucket list so I’ll try to tick at least one thing off it this week!

      Thank you =) x

  4. What is going on?! A lot of us seem to be going through this sort of “meh” phase, with tons of frustration at what we can’t do! It’s crazy. Maybe it’s the sudden change in the weather? So many like sunny weather, but I’m suddenly finding that it’s too muggy, too hot, and I’m uncomfortable all the time. Means I don’t sleep as well. But I was already feeling low last week, before that…

    It seems that all the bad thoughts come in phases for me. It’s not good to worry too much about them (even though you will!), as it just ends up in a never-ending spiral of over-thinking and guilt. You have to let it be until it passes, try not to prod it too much and accept that it’s there.

    As for people, though… If only we were all mind readers! I tend to be a bit of a loner, have always had troubles connecting with people, or rather holding onto the relationships or knowing what to do with them. If someone I’ve been contacting a lot suddenly stops, I have a panic that I’ve said or done something wrong, no matter who they are. It’s harder with closer friends, though. I have had really close friends in the past and at that point where you both move on… It’s the most painful thing in the world. And sometimes it won’t be anything you’ve done particularly, but new worlds take up your thoughts and that ends up more important than the old. Sometimes the old world doesn’t fit alongside the new – if you move house, for example, you can’t always take everything with you. I know it’s not nice, but new friends always come along. The old friends are still there, it’s just that their role in your life and yours in theirs is changing.

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