The show must go on

I have had this song stuck in my head all day! If you didn’t see yesterdays blog, I recommend you read it first. This post will make a lot more sense if you do! I barely slept last night and when I woke up this morning I didn’t want to get out of bed. I forced myself to get up and contact Boss to see what is going on. I did kind of get an answer but it didn’t really clarify anything. I now know why Boss was upset. It was nothing to do with me, thank god. Why she deleted me off Facebook and refused to talk to anyone, I just don’t know but I guess people do strange things when they are upset. At least she texted me back. Its a civil matter between their family and I won’t go into it here. In a few weeks I might be able to work for her again but nothing is guaranteed, so to make things simpler for the moment I am going to class myself as jobless.

I went to my therapy this afternoon and talked everything through with my therapist. He noted that I seemed to be finding the uncertainty and instability difficult, I admitted that it is really stressing me out. I told him that I am now unsure if I want to continue working for Boss. Last night was a huge low for me and it could have been avoided if she had just kept me informed with what was going on. This job has always been rather unreliable but I still loved it. Now that I have lost my other job I need some stability, not just from a financial view but for my mental health. I can’t cope with the waiting, the uncertainty, the stress. It really pains me but I’m going to have to be selfish. My therapist picked up on selfish (why do therapists always do that? Lol) and asked me why it was selfish. I don’t want to let anyone down, that is the simple answer.

So I spent the rest of the afternoon writing my CV and looking online for suitable jobs. I am taking a deep breath and getting on with it. I have still felt really low all day but I will be ok. I have had some shocking luck in the last couple of days but I’m holding my head up and dealing with it. One step at a time.

On with the show…

Hayley x

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2 thoughts on “The show must go on

  1. Pingback: Progress report: Reducing meds | Calm Kitchen

  2. Pingback: Chasing pavements | Calm Kitchen

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