Excuse the pun and the music video, they were done in a bad attempt to cheer myself up. To say I’m in a bad mood right now would be one hell of an understatement! This is to do with my job, not the one I just got last week but my other job (I fit both jobs around each other). I am being messed around rotten. This is nothing new, since I started at the end of March it has been one thing after another! You might remember this post which I wrote while trying to hold off a panic attack, thanks to my boss. On a weekly basis I get my times changed, get cancelled at short notice and am lied to about a variety of things. Then I find out the truth off other people. I wouldn’t mind if she was straight with me, its the insult to my intelligence which I find upsetting. I can’t go into any more detail here but I am fed up with the whole thing. I am sick of feeling disrespected, like I don’t matter. I’ve had enough of changing my plans and running when she clicks her fingers. I’ve had enough of smiling and nodding while she lies to my face. She must think that I’m either gullible or stupid. I would love to find another job and hand in my notice.
But it’s more complicated than that. I’m a babysitter so there’s a child involved. A child who I have a close bond with and who has very little stability in her life. I love my job. I could try to leave on good terms and arrange to visit every so often but I know it won’t happen. I don’t want to leave but my self esteem is taking a battering and it was never very high to start with. Boss never thinks about how any of this stuff effects me. She’s always telling me that I’m a star or she doesn’t know what she would do without me but she seems unable to treat me with a bit of respect. She knows that I’ll change my plans and mend to her every whim. Do I even have any respect for myself? I’m not a piece of clay to mould into any shape you want, I have feelings and a life of my own!
I’m torn and I don’t know what to do. I’m just tired of feeling like I don’t matter. What would you do in my situation?