Happiness Project: January

Happy New Year! December was the first full month of my Happiness Project and I think it went pretty well. My resolutions for December were:

  • Give thanks. I kept a gratitude journal throughout December. Admittedly sometimes my posts were late or I did a few days together but December is a busy month!
  • Notice the little things. This also tied in with my gratitude journal. Looking back through the posts I think that keeping a gratitude journal helped me notice the little things we take for granted, as well as the bigger things.
  • Give something back. I wanted to do something charitable as Christmas is the season of good will! I bought a few toys for my local toy appeal, which gives toys to children who are in care or live in poverty and otherwise wouldn’t get anything for Christmas. Its just a small thing but knowing it would make a big difference for those children made me feel good. I’ve attached a photo below as proof =)
  • Get into the spirit. I think I did okay Christmas spirit wise but I’ll try to improve next yearIMG_0254

January is the month of new beginnings so I’ve decided to focus on Attitude, particularly energy. Ironically I felt anything but energetic when I woke up at 6:45am this morning, having had less than 5 hours sleep and couldn’t dose off again! In the end I got up for a couple of hours then had a mid-morning nap and woke up feeling a lot better. My resolutions may sound a bit silly but I hope they’ll work. This month I am going to:

  • Sing in the shower. Don’t laugh! I love showers and I love singing when other people can’t hear me, so this makes sense to me. Now I just need to think of some energetic songs to sing… Eye of the Tiger from Rocky?
  • Act more energetic. Even when I don’t feel like it! Act the way I want to feel right?
  • Smile and laugh out loud. This ties in with acting more energetic, I’m going to make an effort to smile more this month!
  • Be generous with thanks and praise. I think that making other people feel good too is important. Also making other people feel good normally makes me feel good too so its a double win.

Now if you’ll excuse, I’m going in the shower =P

Take care,

Hayley x

Gratitude Journal: Days 27-31

I haven’t done a very good job of keeping up with my gratitude journal the last few days but in my defence I have been really busy at work. This is the last day of my gratitude journal so I’ll round it all up together! I am thankful for:

  • A New Year
  • A new start
  • That it is time to start reading for Book Club!

What are you thankful for today?

Hayley x

Gratitude Journal: Day 26

Today I am thankful that things are getting back to normal. Don’t get me wrong, I like Christmas, although I feel sad that I don’t love Christmas in the way I used to. I suppose that’s an inevitable part of growing up. What are you thankful for today?

Hayley x

Gratitude Journal: Day 25

Merry Christmas! Today I am thankful for Christmas and my family. I’m also thankful that Christmas is usually a good time for me. I’ve seen a lot of people on Twitter in the past week who really dread Christmas. Sure I get stressed and certain bits of Christmas can make me anxious but I’m thankful that it is mostly a positive experience for me.

What are you thankful for today?

Hayley x

Gratitude Journal: Day 24

Today I am thankful for Christmas Eve. The excitement for the big day, the Christmas films and the joy of driving around in my little car delivering presents! My Santa tribute act 😉

What are you thankful for today?

Hayley x

Realistic or coward?

Today’s post may be quite long, sorry about that! A lot has been going on and I’m hoping that getting it down on here will help me sort out my head and get a better perspective. I’ve been thinking about moving away from home as a live in nanny and I contacted a couple of families asking for more information. I got a reply from a family living nearly 3 hours drive away and it sounded really good, the salary was very attractive and they live near a huge city, so plenty to do in my spare time. I spoke to my family about it and sent a reply back saying I would like to talk to them some more about the job. I was super excited at first but then it sort of hit me:

  • I would be far away from home
  • I wouldn’t know anyone apart from the family I’d be working for
  • Its near a huge city but I would be living on a working farm in a very rural location
  • I would be over 100 miles away from my family/friends
  • I would have no support system
  • Have I lost my mind?!

I spent most of the night wide awake on the verge of a panic attack. I looked at it from every angle. Realistically I know its too far, too big a challenge. I would never manage it. It could completely destroy all the progress I have made on my MH this year. I am going to turn it down, I know that for me its the right thing to do but still I feel an ache at passing up the opportunity. I wish I was in a strong enough place to do it. I wish I was normal, hah I haven’t been normal for 10 years! But there’s no point dwelling and wishing and cursing my anxiety, its part of who I am and I have to accept that. I have come to accept it over the years but when something like this comes up it still stings. I spoke to my brother about it this morning and he said I shouldn’t hold myself back. We are polar opposites, my brother is so laid back and would happily leave the house with nothing but a rucksack and travel around the world. I wish I could be like him but I’m not and that’s that.

While I was not sleeping last night I also thought about why I had looked into moving away. Simple, there was nothing around here and this exact moment and I wanted to prove a point to Boss. I wanted to show her that I didn’t have to put up with her sh*t, that I could get a job elsewhere. I have been really down about my job situation lately but is this really the answer? Are my motives all wrong? I suspect the answer is yes. I should be looking for something that would suit me, something that would help me further reduce my anxiety. Instead I nearly risked my health and put myself in a potentially damaging situation, why? To prove a point. To get one up on my boss. What the hell was I thinking?!

The words self care come to mind. I said several months ago that I was going to try really hard with self care and lately I haven’t at all. I’m drawing a line, I need to look after myself. So I’m forgetting about moving away, forgetting about proving a point to Boss. I’m going to keep looking for more work but I’m not going to grab the first available thing just because I can. Its not worth it. I’ve applied for a couple of things locally and hopefully more work will become available in the New Year. I might feel like a bit of a coward now but I know I’m doing the sensible thing…

Aren’t I?

Any advice welcome.

Hayley x

Gratitude Journal: Days 20/21/22

Yep, I’ve messed up. I forgot the last 2 days of my journal and I am barely getting this one done before midnight. A lot is going on this week, I hope to explain more in a later blog post. I am thankful for the opportunities that life sometimes throws at us!

What are you thankful for?

Hayley x

Time to move on?

I have been trying to write this post for the last few days but my brain doesn’t want to comply. I keep getting stuck on how to word something or how to explain how I’m feeling. I’ve decided I don’t care any more as long as I manage to get something down in writing, so sorry if this post sounds muddled. Its because my head is muddled. The situation with my job is really getting me down. (If you missed it the post is here) I have been looking for another job as a nanny/babysitter in my local area but there is nothing at all. I’ve started looking into moving away as a live in nanny. The idea scares me but maybe that’s a good thing? I feel trapped right now, stifled. Maybe a fresh start in a new exciting place is exactly what I need or maybe it would be a complete disaster. I don’t know but I never will know unless I try right?

Sorry this is all I can manage right now. I’ll write again when I sort some more of my thoughts out.

Take care,

Hayley x

Gratitude Journal: Day 19

Today my brother came home for Christmas. We ended up having a long chat about what we both want to do next with our lives, it really helped me see things more clearly! So today I’m thankful for my family and for life itself, we only get one!

What are you thankful for today?

Hayley x